Background to my project

In the summer of 2012, on a day when my priority should have been opening my GCSE results and celebrating, I discovered that my father died. Now, over 7 years later, I find myself tackling the topic of grief for my final masters project.

When it happened, I found it impossible to talk about the loss and yet it dwarfed all other thoughts. I became worried I was a burden to my friends, especially since very few people in my peer group knew what I was going through. I ended up retreating rather than communicating.

My father committed suicide. A part of the issue is that suicide has historically been a taboo; the dirty little secret of our society that most people find troubling to think about, let alone talk about. This was backed up by my experiences with a bereavement counsellor; even support services seemed uncomfortable broaching the topic. I felt like a pity object, filling me with horror because I feared this cast a shadow over my father, the very person whose honour I wanted to protect.

It has taken some years to learn how to talk about, but I now recognise the need for a better a language around grief in England - and for this to start during our school years. We are paralysed when it comes to communicating about death and yet it is the only certain inevitability of our existences. These thoughts and experiences provide the starting point for my project.